Self-Compassion
The Three Pillars of Self-Compassion
Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness, concern, and support you'd show to a good friend. This video explores the three core components of self-compassion: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness.
The Three Pillars of Self-Compassion
A Recovering Hiker's Guide to Cultivating Self-Compassion
What is Self-Compassion?
Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness and care you would offer a good friend. Especially when we are in hard situations, it is important to be kind to ourselves and remind ourselves we aren't alone in our suffering and problems. We aren't broken or weird.
It's like how you'd show up for a hiking partner who's having a rough day—you wouldn't leave them behind or criticize them for struggling. You'd check in, offer support, and help them keep going. Self-compassion is about learning to do the same for yourself.
Researchers define self-compassion as having three core components:
- Self-kindness
- Common humanity
- Mindfulness (Neff and Knox)
Five main features of self-compassion:
- We notice when we're struggling—and get honest with ourselves about it.
- We remember that we're not the only ones—everyone hits rough patches.
- We feel empathy for ourselves. We meet ourselves with care instead of criticism.
- We learn to sit with the hard stuff without needing to fix or escape it right away.
- We try to support ourselves through it—just like we'd support someone we care about. (Strauss et al.)
Why is Self-Compassion Important?
It is about how we respond to threats. Our brains and bodies don't really know the difference between a threat from the outside or from what is inside us. A major component of how much of a threat response we experience is our perception of it.
Self-compassion is a powerful tool to help us flip the script going on inside of our heads, calm down the stress response, and navigate tough times more smoothly.
What Self-Compassion is Not
Self-compassion isn't about letting yourself off the hook or doing whatever feels good in the moment. It's not zoning out with junk food or skipping training because you don't feel like it.
It's about choosing actions that actually support you—things that help you feel more grounded, capable, rested, and connected to your body over time.
When the day's been hard, self-kindness might look like:
- A slow walk outside
- A warm meal or piece of chocolate after a hard hike
- Recognizing you are tired and under recovered and taking that day off from training
- Giving yourself permission to rest without guilt
- A "duff" day - or day of doing nothing & no miles during a backpacking trip
It's doing the things that help you move through tough times, not escape them.
Self-Compassion Questionnaire
Want a snapshot of where you're at?
If you're curious about how self-compassion shows up for you right now, this quick questionnaire can give you a helpful starting point. It's based on the work of Dr. Kristin Neff and Precision Nutrition.
No pressure to score a certain way—this is just a tool for reflection. Wherever you're starting from is okay.
After you finish, you'll get a score along with a breakdown of what it might mean and where there's room to grow.
Take the Self-Compassion Questionnaire →Self-Compassion in Action
Meet Chris
A compassionate approach to recovery
Chris always felt like himself when he was out hiking, trail running, or sleeping under the stars. But after a long, frustrating recovery from Lyme disease, he doesn't quite move the way he used to. Rebuilding trust in his body has been a process—and here's what he's learning to do:
- Gives himself a break when things don't go as planned
- Talks to himself like he would a hiking partner—encouraging and kind
- Lets go of guilt when he hits a setback
- Has honest check-ins with himself about what's working and what's not
- Notices how he feels without judgment—just awareness
- Starts where he is, not where he used to be
- Practices patience and compassion, especially on the hard days
- Focuses on steady progress, not perfect outcomes
- Makes choices that align with his deeper values—adventure, health, connection
Meet Taylor
Struggling with self-compassion
Taylor used to feel at home in the backcountry—but after dealing with a stubborn achilles injury, things feel different. She's stuck in a frustrating loop:
- Thinks being kind to herself means slacking off
- Tries to "tough it out" by being overly hard on herself
- Replays what went wrong on the trail (or off) again and again
- Worries her coach will be disappointed if she can't hit her goals
- Keeps her struggles and emotions to herself
- Measures success only by mileage, pace, or performance
- Struggles to stay motivated when progress doesn't feel fast enough
How do we practice?
Self-compassion is a skill that we can cultivate over time. There are an infinite number of different practices that can help grow your skill of self-compassion. Below are some simple practices that can help build up your self-compassion in each of the different pillars.
Just by starting, practicing, and noticing how these make you feel it will start to rewire your brain and nervous system towards greater levels of self-compassion. Progress not perfection. Even just a little bit every day can add up to big changes overtime.
When the Work Feels Hard
This work isn't always easy. Sometimes, being more aware of our thoughts and feelings can stir things up rather than settle them. If any of the practices bring up something deeper—or you're feeling overwhelmed—it's okay to pause and get support. A therapist or counselor trained in this kind of work can help guide you through it and is always appropriate. The information and resources provided here are not a substitute for therapy.
Also, progress doesn't always look like a total transformation. Some days, it might just be catching a harsh thought and softening it a little. That counts. That matters. Over time, those small shifts add up.
One helpful mindset here is something often called dialectical thinking—the idea that we can hold two truths at once. You can feel proud of how far you've come and wish things were easier. You can trust your process and feel frustrated by how slow it feels. Both can be true—and making space for both is part of the practice.
Reframe
Another way to think about self-compassion is learning to be your own parent.
For some people, it's most effective when they talk to themselves the way a caring parent would to a child. When things feel overwhelming — like waking from a scary dream or feeling flooded at work — it can sound like, "It's okay, little one. You don't have to be afraid."
It's a way of offering yourself comfort and safety, especially when those feelings weren't always there growing up.
This kind of self-parenting creates what some clinicians call a holding environment — an inner space where you can process stress without being consumed by it. In this space, mistakes aren't failures — they're feedback. Pain doesn't mean you're broken — it means something in you is stretching, adapting, becoming.
When you can offer yourself that steady internal presence — one that soothes without dismissing, challenges without shaming — stress becomes not a threat to who you are, but a passageway to who you're becoming. It's not easy. It means noticing the moments when your inner voice mimics old criticism or neglect — and choosing, again and again, to respond with curiosity instead of condemnation. That is the work of self-parenting: creating a stable enough inner ground so that growth can happen without fear of collapse.
Further Resources & Reading
App Recommendations
- Calm - Meditation App
- Oura - if you have already, it has meditations in it.
- Curable - Explores the Body-Mind connection for chronic pain
Book Recommendations
- The Book of Joy by His Holiness the Dalai Lama & Archbishop Desmond Tutu
- The Mind Illuminated by Culadasa (John Yates, PhD) and Matthew Immergut, PhD
- Xiu Yang by Mimi Kuo-Deemer
- Body by Breath by Jill Miller
Final Thoughts
You don't have to master self-compassion. Just get curious.
A single shift in how you talk to yourself matters.
Pick one practice. Try it. Reflect. Repeat.
You're already on the trail.
Related Resources
- Growth Mindset
Embrace challenges with self-compassion
- Movement Practices
Gentle movement for mind-body connection